How long is too long

How long is too long? If someone tells you it is okay to take your time on it, should you? In the back of your mind you are constantly reminded that time cost money. The longer you take the more it cost so you should hurry it up and get it done. But what if it is not what you wanted? Perhaps you chose it because you were told that is the best option? Perhaps you chose it because of all the option that is what make sense, or even it is what would please them? Perhaps you started without really knowing what to do but you shuffle along with the pack to do it anyways. More and more you go on you realize you are not keeping up with the pack and you are falling behind. Then one day they tell you you are not good enough and they can no longer carry you on. You panic since now you have no pack to follow and you need something to go on with because that voice in the back of your mind reminding you time cost money.

So you make for the closest door and you took comfort that this is now your new direction. Then you get too comfortable and you started going your own pace and now you are left behind by this new yet smaller pack. You know sooner or later you will be left behind and that pack will give up on you too. Sure enough, they do. You panic but not as much as before because you have been here before, all you have to do is look for the nearest door again. But before you do you turned around, looked around you and realize you have been two direction but somehow you managed to get nowhere. Now you are panicing more than you have ever had because you have now spend more time(money) than they expected. 

To top it all off where you are there are no closest door, all the visible doors are pretty far away. Not far enough to not see it but enough that in order to reach you must give up something to get there. Then you realize you are in a similar situation before all these started, with the exception that you have now done what you have done. The logical step is to try the other thing seeing it did not go so well the first time around. All the reasoning telling you not to do this other thing back in the beginning is coming back to you. You are reminded of it, making more aware of it now more than ever. Should you REALLY go for it? Will it end up like the last time, or worst? This time you do not have the support you had last time because you have already taken too much time. Soon it will be your own time and it will cost you for the time. 

What are you trying to do? Are you trying to prove yourself? Are you doing this for you?